Infuse: The Band Book 1 Page 10

  “I believe I am well enough to cope in the world. Dr. Mary has given me plenty of strategies for coping on the outside.”

  “And the dreams you’ve been having?”

  Drat, he’s read my file. Who knows when he had time to do that? “Yes, I still have some bad dreams, but not like before. I know where I am when I wake up. If I can manage them here, I believe I can manage them anywhere.”

  Dr. Gare steeples his fingers, looking at me as if to assess if he can trust what I’m saying. “Give me a few hours Autumn. I need to talk to Dr. Mary before I make my final decision.”

  The breath I’ve been holding in, leaves me in a rush. “How is her son doing?”

  “I’m not sure. I’ll let you know on both counts in a few hours.”

  I’m shaking like a leaf as I walk out. A few hours to await my fate.

  Chapter 15

  Finn

  The bar is crowded. It is a Saturday night after all. It’s impossible to make my way through the throng without bumping up against random bodies. Finally I make it to the bar. Several harried looking bartenders rush to fill orders shouted at them from out of the crowd. I don’t drink much anymore, I prefer to be in control of my actions, but tonight, in order for my plan to work, I need to loosen the reins.

  Wes has no idea what I’m planning, but it’s the only way I can think of for the paparazzi to leave Autumn the hell alone. I haven’t told him because I know he’d try and talk me out of it. Although Autumn will probably hate me after tonight, at least she’ll be able to return to her life, free from all my drama.

  I see the exact moment when the girl behind the bar recognizes me. The widening of the eyes, followed by the seductive smile. She’s pretty, in a overly made up kind of way and if she wasn’t working she’d probably be as good as anyone for my purpose. She gives me my double bourbon and I knock it back putting my glass back on the bar and indicating I want another. She’s ignoring the other customers as she gets my drink. She deliberately lets her fingers brush against mine as she hands me the drink. Ignoring her silent flirting, I finished my second drink and order a third. This time, I pay for my drinks and carrying my glass, I push back into the crowd.

  Feeling more relaxed, I make my way to a quiet corner and sit at a just-vacated table. Almost instantly, I feel eyes on me. Three blondes make their way over to where I’m sitting, but I wave them away. Whoever I choose, she can’t be a blonde, it’s hard enough sitting here thinking about her, without long blonde hair that reminds me of the soft silky locks of my angel.

  When two brunettes approach my table I smile at them. Actually, it’s more of a grimace, but they don’t seem to notice. They sidle up to me, one on the left and the other on the right.

  “Is it really you?”

  I glance at the speaker, her over-plump red lips look ridiculous. “I’m Finn, and you are?”

  “Oh my gosh. I can’t believe it. It really is you! I’m Jacinta.” She pouts in what I can only assume she thinks is a seductive manner. “I love your music, your voice is so sexy.”

  Finally, I look at her eyes, they’re a hazel color and I look away, turning my attention to the other girl.

  “I’m Racquel,” she purrs, placing her fingers over my hand that’s resting on the table. The bright red nails are long enough to ensure any kind of practical task must be almost impossible.

  Her eyes are a dull muddy brown. Perfect. “And are you a fan Racquel?”

  “Absafrickinlutely! Maybe you can sing to me later…much later.”

  I struggle to hide the shudder that passes through me, but neither girl seems to notice.

  Jacinta puts her hand on the arm that holds my drink. “Are any other members of the band here?”

  “Is there someone in particular you were hoping to see?”

  “Well, you’re crazy sexy of course,” she purrs as if she thinks I need the affirmation. “But the way Adam beats those drums – I wouldn’t say no to a piece of that.”

  I don’t think I can handle much more of this, so I lie just to get rid of her. “He was here, he just went to the bar to order another drink. Maybe if you ask nicely, he might get you something.”

  “Thanks.” I watch as she expertly squeezes her way through the press of bodies in search of my non-existent bandmate.

  “Maybe we can continue this party somewhere a bit more…private?” Racquel runs her fingers down the side of my face and along my jaw.

  I struggle not to pull away from her. I’m glad she’s suggested we leave already, I’m not sure I can go through with this if I have to sit here much longer. I finish off my drink in one quick swallow and stand up. We head through the mass of bodies and I know the paparazzi will be waiting outside. I know, because I’m the one that tipped them off. Chances are someone else has told them I’m here by now, but for this to work I need to be sure.

  Racquel has my hand in a death grip, as if she thinks I might try and get away. It’s the one smart thing she’s done all night. If I could get away, I still might. I need to keep my head in the game, it’s not like I haven’t done this before after all. But all that’s in my past now, the adulation, the groupies, the alcohol. Never drugs, even if that’s what they’re saying about me, that’s one boundary I’ve never crossed and I don’t intend to.

  Finally, we make it to the door and we step out into the cool night air. Racquel must be freezing in her red mini dress but I don’t really care that much. She chose to come out in that ridiculous outfit. If she didn’t want to freeze, she should have brought a jacket.

  And like clockwork it starts. “Finn, Finn over here. Who’s the new girl?”

  “Finn, does this mean you’ve forgotten about Autumn?”

  “Finn, just one picture.”

  “Finn is it true you’re heartbroken?”

  How dare they mention her name? They are the scum of the earth and they don’t get to mention her name, not now, not ever. I throw my arm around Racquel, determined to make them forget Autumn ever existed.

  “Does this look like I’m heartbroken?” I put my other arm against Racquel’s back and pull her towards me. She’s more than willing, pressing her body against mine and reaching up behind my head to pull my face down for a kiss.

  It’s a bit like kissing a vacuum cleaner as she attempts to suck my tongue into her mouth. It’s all I can do not to shove her away. If there was any other way to do this thing. They must have enough pictures by now, so I place both hands on the side of her head to break the kiss. She pulls back reluctantly, then turns and smiles for the cameras.

  “I’m Racquel. You can find me on lookatmeimtoohot.com.”

  I don’t feel so guilty about using her, as I realize she’s using me to further her career. Putting an arm around her shoulders, I walk her to the taxi I’ve paid to wait for me. As soon as we’re in and we pull away from the swarming paparazzi, I move away from her to the other end of the seat.

  “So where to? What’s your address?”

  “Um, aren’t we going back to your place?”

  “No.”

  “Alright, I guess my place is fine, Jacinta won’t be home for a while yet anyway.”

  I sit back and close my eyes as Racquel gives the driver her address. Thankfully, this is almost over. Hopefully it will be enough for the paparazzi to move on, I’m not sure if I can go through this again. How did I ever think this was fun?

  “So Finnie Finn,” Racquel says sliding up against me, “Are you going to write a song about me after tonight?”

  I bark out a laugh. “Maybe, I guess you’ll just have to wait for the next album to come out.” Somehow, I don’t think the sort of song she’s envisioning and the sort of song I might actually write about this experience, are going to be much alike.

  “Did you know I’m a lingerie model? When we get back to my place, I’ll show you my portfolio.”

  “Read any good books lately?” I say to put her off.

  “Um, yeah, I read 50 Shades.” She giggles. “Or maybe I just s
aw the movie, I don’t remember.”

  “How about politics? Do you vote Racquel?”

  “Um, no. I don’t have time for that sort of stuff.” She slides her hand up my leg. I place my own on top of hers to stop it wandering. “You know, you’re nothing like I expected you to be.”

  “Oh, and how did you think I’d be?”

  “You know, I thought you’d be more fun. C’mon you’re a freaking rockstar. I’ve seen how you are on stage, I’ve been to your concerts.”

  “That’s just an act Racquel,” I say gently. “That’s not the real me. Don’t you want to know the real me?”

  “Not if you’re just going to ask boring questions all night.”

  “Well, why don’t you ask me something instead? Isn’t there something about me you’ve always wanted to know.”

  She smiles eagerly. “Is it true, that if you take heroin just to lose weight, you won’t become addicted?”

  “Well, I can’t be one hundred percent sure about that Racquel because I’ve never actually used heroin, but let’s just say, I’m ninety nine point nine percent sure that that is the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard.” I look at her in disbelief as she pouts again.

  “What about other stuff then? I’m sure I heard somewhere that there’s some drug you can take and it works like that.”

  “Look Raquel, I don’t do drugs. But I’m sure you can find someone who’ll be more than happy to spin you the lies you’re hoping to hear. Taking drugs will not make you smarter, skinnier or prettier. Why don’t you just eat healthily and exercise? Who knows what added benefits you might discover?”

  She playfully bats my arm. “Now you sound like my mother. I know you’re a bad boy Finn Holloway, please, won’t you let him come out and play?”

  Thankfully the taxi pulls up at a block of flats and I’m spared from answering any more inane questions.

  “Yay, we’re home.” Raquel climbs out of the car tottering on her ridiculous spiky red stilettos. “Come on Finn, hurry up it’s freezing out here.”

  “Actually Raquel, I think I’m going to call it a night and head home. Do you need me to walk you to your door?”

  “What do you mean? Aren’t you coming in?”

  “No, I don’t think so.”

  “What? Was it something I did?”

  “Look, I just don’t think we’re compatible. Trust me, you’ll agree with me one day.”

  “But I’m a freaking lingerie model! Who doesn’t want that?”

  “Look I’m sorry Raquel, but I’m sure having your photo in all of tomorrow’s papers will do wonders for your modeling career.”

  “Yes, but–”

  “Goodnight Raquel.”

  She finally gets the hint and slams the door in my face. “Well screw you Finn Holloway, I never did like your music much anyway.”

  I watch from the car, until I see her make it safely inside the building.

  “Where to?” The taxi driver asks.

  I give him my address and lean back against the seat, relieved the night is finally over.

  “If you don’t mind me putting in my two cents worth Mr Holloway, I think you dodged a bullet with that one.”

  I chuckle softly. “Indeed, and please, call me Finn.”

  Chapter 16

  Autumn

  Rubbing my sweaty palms on my denim covered thighs, I take a seat in Dr. Gare’s office. If he doesn’t give me permission to leave the center, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. There’s no way I can leave Finn thinking that he’s the cause of my breakdown. Besides, last night I didn’t even have any of my usual nightmares. Apart from it taking me forever to fall asleep, I was happily surprised when I woke up in the morning without any recollection of what I’d dreamed about. It’s definitely lessened the dark shadows under my eyes, which is definitely a plus for today.

  “Good morning Autumn. You look well this morning.”

  “Thank you. How is Dr. Mary’s son doing?”

  “He has a broken leg and two cracked ribs, but he’s going to make a full recovery.”

  I’m so relieved. I smile in spite of my nerves. “And the other thing? Can I leave the center?”

  “Well Autumn, Dr. Mary and I both believe that it would be in your best interests to stay here for a few more weeks at least.”

  “But I nee–”

  Dr. Gare holds up one hand. “Having said that, we both agree you have made substantial progress. I’m especially pleased that there haven’t been any fainting episodes in the last few weeks. I now believe that your fainting is brought on by moments of extreme stress. It is your body’s way of coping when you are unable to fully process what is going on around you. It is therefore imperative that you continue to monitor your stress levels once you leave Peaceful Shores.”

  “You mean I can leave?” I ask, leaning forward in my chair.

  “There are a few conditions you need to agree to first. Of course we’ll need you to sign a waiver stating that you are checking yourself out early contrary to medical opinion.”

  “Of course.”

  “Also, Dr. Mary has agreed to continue your counselling sessions online. Would you be willing to meet with Dr. Mary three times a week to continue your sessions?”

  “Sounds perfect.” A huge grin breaks out across my face.

  “Great. Now there is just one final thing. You need to arrange for someone to pick you up from the center. Is there someone who could pick you up today or tomorrow?”

  No, no, no! I hadn’t even considered that someone would need to collect me. Why didn’t I realize that would be standard procedure? I mentally run through a list of people I know. But the few friends I did have, I’ve kind of cut out of my life. If Jemma lived closer, I’m sure she’d do it in a heartbeat. But she has her own recovery to work on anyway. That really only leaves Wes. He did arrange for me to come here. Well, Finn made the arrangements and Wes let me know about them. If only Finn hadn’t decided staying away was the best thing for my life.

  “Can I make a phone call to check?”

  “Of course,” Dr Gare says standing. “I’ll leave you to it while I check on a few patients. I’ll be back in ten minutes or so to check on you.”

  My palms are slick with sweat as I pick up the phone. Can I really do this? Why would someone I barely know agree to drive for hours to come and pick me up? I know he said I could call him again, but surely he was just being polite? I’m sure Wes is just as happy I’m out of Finn’s life as Finn is. Realizing it’s my only hope, I nervously punch in the numbers on the keypad. I have to sit down as I hear the ringtone sound. What if he doesn’t answer? What if he does?

  “Hello.”

  “Um, Wes. It’s Autumn.”

  “Hey Autumn, I’m glad you called, I was just thinking about you.”

  “You were?”

  “Yeah, how are you?”

  “Good, really good actually. They’ve agreed to let me go home early.”

  “That’s great news. When are you coming home?”

  “Um actually…that’s kind of why I’m calling. You see, they won’t let me leave unless I have someone come and pick me up…”

  “Sure, I should be able to swing that. I’ll have to make a call and see if a friend can pick Soph up from school. Can I call you back on this number in a few?”

  “Um sure. Can’t…um…can’t Finn look after Sophie?”

  Silence. I chew on my fingernail.

  “Not today Autumn. Look just give me a few minutes yeah?”

  “Okay.”

  The call ends and I slowly place the phone back in its cradle. Something is wrong with Finn. I can feel it. What’s happened? Thank goodness I’m getting out today and I can make Finn see that I’m okay and that he doesn’t need to blame himself for what happened. My foot taps impatiently on the floor and I push my fingers under my legs to keep what remaining fingernails I still possess.

  The phone trills shrilly and I launch myself at it. I grip it tightly and hold it up to
my ear.

  My voice comes out sounding breathless. “Hello.”

  “Hey Autumn, all set. I’ll be there in about three hours if that works?”

  “Thank you so so much Wes. I’ll owe you forever, if you ever need anyone to watch Sophie or anything just let me know.”

  Wes chuckles. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

  “Um…is Finn alright…”

  “I’m sure he’ll be fine…look, do you mind if we talk about it when I pick you up?”

  “Sure. I’ll see you soon. And thanks again.”

  “No problem. Bye Autumn.”

  “Bye Wes.”

  At exactly one o’clock, I’m standing in the reception area with my suitcase beside me. Dr. Gare is going to call me tonight to check I’m alright before Dr. Mary returns to work tomorrow. I’m actually sad that I won’t get to say a proper goodbye to her, she really has helped me. But I guess I’ll see her when we Skype for our sessions.

  The automatic doors slide open and Wes strides in. He totally looks like a rockstar with his long tousled fringe and black ripped denim jeans. Although he doesn’t make my heart melt like Finn, there’s no denying he’s sexy as hell. He sweeps me up in a hug, and it’s all I can do to keep the tears from flowing.

  “You ready to go?” Wes asks releasing me.

  “Yep, let’s go.” I’m eager to leave, I know I can do this.

  Wes picks up my bag and we walk out to the car. It’s parked in the pick-up area right outside the automatic doors. He loads my bag in the trunk of a black two-door Mercedes I‘ve never seen before.

  “Nice car.” I climb in and let my body relax against the warm leather seats.

  “Thanks, it’s great for highway driving.”

  “Are these seats heated or something?”

  “Yep, pretty cool huh.”

  I laugh. Wes is sometimes like a small boy who suddenly got all he ever wished for. He’s such a genuine person though, that I want him to be happy.

  We pull out onto the highway and head back towards Portland. I’m still feeling really positive about my decision to leave.